In order to survive a drive on America’s roads, a properly attentive driver should be absolutely exhausted at the end of their drive. It’s not fair, and it shouldn’t be necessary. It sucks. Why is it this way, then? As with so many other problems in our society, it all comes down to relaxed standards and keeping up with the Jones’.

You see, every gull darn person in this country wants to be special. The rules don’t apply to them, the rules are for you common folks. They are special. Rules, etiquette, common sense, none of those apply because….you guessed it….they’re special. “I have somewhere to go, so everyone out of my way. I matter, you don’t.” And if you’re special, then I have to be, too.

Of course, I’m talking about all the rest of you yahoos, obviously not me. At least that’s what they’ll all swear on a stack of bibles.

So, millennials and younger, your entitled existences and belief in how special you are has corroded the standards. You might not know squat, but you think you deserve it, so we have to give it to you. I know this for a fact. My daughter is one of your group. One day, I tried to engage her in a meaningful conversation to attempt to understand the pattern of thinking of this young lady. I’m still in therapy. The entire conversation can be summed up in her final statement, “Well, if I want it, then somebody has to give it to me, because I want it and I deserve to have it. I know someone will give it to me.” I tried so hard to install a work ethic in that kid, the schools completely overrode my efforts.

That attitude has bled over into the issue of a drivers’ license. The standards are lowered, or completely erased, and the result is the madness and mayhem of real life bumper cars on our roadways. Example. My youngest received his license in the free state of Florida. His test consisted of the following skills evaluation: drive one block down the roadway. Make a turn onto another road. Execute an “as many points as needed” turn. Drive back to the start and park the vehicle. Congrat’s here’s your license. Does anyone reading this truly believe this is a comprehensive final evaluation of a person’s knowledge and skill to safely drive on our roads? (On a side note, the state of Florida doesn’t require any knowledge of parallel parking. Yet, downtown is filled with, uh-huh, parallel parking spots. You want some cheap entertainment? Take a lawn chair, cooler and umbrella downtown. Set up on any sidewalk and enjoy the show as drivers do the most unbelievable acts of stupidity trying to parallel park.)

I could obviously rant all day long of particular acts of idiocy I have faced on these roads. I don’t need to. You are already day dreaming away of all the things you’ve witnessed while you are providing society an absolute perfect epitomization of proper driving technique. So, instead, I offer a couple of fixes that will never happen.

First, a proper driver’s education course needs to be mandatory in all states. Not just for kids, but everyone. I don’t mean a three hour, “here’s how to pass the test” type of course, either. I mean full-on Driving 101, all encompassing, true education. A month long, full-time course should be the minimum standard. I say this because any idiot can bumble their way two or three times to pass the current laughable written exam. It shouldn’t just ask you which one is a stop sign. No, it should have scenarios like, “what are the steps to properly merge with oncoming traffic?” People need to know more than how to put it in park and drive.

Next, we need proper enforcement of these standards. People need to understand that driving on roadways is a privilege, not a right. The difference, as growled into me by a crusty old Chief in the Navy, is that a privilege can be taken away. As in, my shore leave, for instance. Start revoking licenses! Make someone retake a proper course and reapply. We don’t HAVE TO let bad drivers continue to scare the pants off us. I believe in such cases of lack of ability, an officer should have the ability to invalidate a driver’s license on site and call a tow-truck. Prove to the court you deserve to get it back, just like anything else. Get the idiots off the roads. They have no place there and we don’t HAVE TO let them drive. This extreme action will cause a shift in societal belief regarding driving.

Imagine, if you will, an officer devoting their time to stopping more crimes, instead of writing accident reports and citations. Isn’t that what everyone says when they get pulled over? “Don’t you have something better to do? You should be out fighting real crime instead of giving me a ticket.” Here’s a secret. Officers believe the same thing. So, if we had reduced accidents, fatalities, or “oh s&%*!” moments, because drivers on the roads are acting responsibly and safely, then officers could devote more of their time to fighting crime. (Using law enforcement as a revenue stream is a whole other rant for another day.)

That final shift is that everyone on the road needs to know and exercise that driving is not only a privilege, it carries a weight of responsibility. Rather than the self=centered approach of, “I’m important, the rules don’t apply to me” that is so prevalent today, the attitude needs to change to discourage people from acting up. The proper driver should be the ideal image, not the hooligan weaving through lanes like he’s chalking up some sort of high score. In the end, don’t we all just want to make it home as safe and stress free as possible?